Our Founder’s Testimony,
Welcome to FAASThelp.com, I pray you can learn from my failures as
a “Hopeless
Drug Addict!” Today I am a “Drugless Hope Addict.” My name
is Scot Breithaupt Sr. and I want to sharemyself, humbly, openly and honestly
to help you avoid the insanity I imposed on my children, family, friends, and
employees, and society as a whole. I ran from “Life”, I ran to cocaine,
to “Run and Numb” and now I write from a jail cell!
It’s painful to accept all the damage I created,
and that I have no one to blame but me…
The sun is shining bright in my life, regardless of the deep darkness of the
souls surrounding me. I literally walk on my toes to keep from trudging in
a down and out duldrum of despair… each day is a victory as long as I keep
recovery as my #1 priority, and an attitude of gratitude… I am not a
product of my environment today; but instead a messenger for alleviation of
the malady
of addiction!
I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained at the end of my cocaine
use. I was arrested four times in less than a year. One case, I was suicidal,
leading police on a chase begging them to “just shoot me, put me out of
my misery!” Instead I was beaten badly, tazed and survived. To be honest,
I was “rescued”, not just arrested. My life had spiraled out of control
again, I lost the will to live, I could not fathom how and why I had “Ran
away” again. This incidious disease of addiction had brought me to the “Graybar
Motel” one more time. I chose to run, I chose to numb myself, I selfishly
chose to escape “life”; yet I had no choice; It’s what worked
to keep me from “feeling”.
When conflicts of resentments arise, I have to “let go, and let God handle
it”; I’m done using cocaine to “Run and Numb”
How did I get here, again? In my deep seeded depression, coupled with sorrowful
shame and grating guilt intensified with each use and arrest, I hit the bottom
of bottoms; death seemed the only relief. How could I fall to such depths of
despair? To the untrained eye I “looked good” on the outside; a
lovely family, beautiful home, nice cars, a 5th wheel toy hauler, motorcycles,
a successful
business, and a celebrity past… but it was all a façade; possessions
and image, not really me! I was dying inside. I was sick and in denial.
I’ve been through rehabs, gone to 12 step meetings and held on to sobriety
a year or two at a tie, but never got totally honest with myself or anyone else
about my “Root Issues”, fears and past traumas. I have repeated the “cycle” many
times; becoming complacent in recovery and eventually using again! I’ve
been to prison several times, lost all my material possessions, and watched family
and friends give up on me. Most just couldn’t bare to see me self destruct!
This time I finally asked for psychiatric help, because I felt I must be insane
to work so hard to rebuild my life, relationships and businesses, only to run
to cocaine to escape.
“
It’s important for me to remain humble enough to be teachable. At this
stage of my life, it’s the difference between Life and Death!”
The psychiatrist cracked open my darkest hidden secrets and fears. My “bottom” had
brought the pain to the forefront and started my quest to discover and discard.
We reviewed my life and hind sight has become 20/20 over the last 16 months!
As a child my mom and relatives called me “hyper”. I was a thrill
seeker, jumping my bicycle over a car at 9 years old. As years progressed the
stunts became absurd and death defying. I craved attention and acceptance as
I always felt “lesser than”, unworthy and empty inside.
There were personal abuses, my parents split up when I was 10 years old
and we lost our big home and its trappings to move into a rental, but life
was less chaotic.
I felt I was to blame
for all the past problems and became an overachiever to compensate for my
feelings of failures and shame.
As a teenager I created businesses,
raced MX motorcycles and eventually founded the sport of BMX. Life
blossomed; successes pushed me beyond normal behavior;
I became a young workaholic and even raced with broken bones! 18 hour
work days were common, as were hospital stays for exhaustion or viral infections
every
6 to 9
months.
I realize
today it was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
“
I’ve lived in fear all my life; fear that I’d never be enough, never
accepted for who I am. I always went Above and Beyond; but still had a gaping
hole inside me…”
I carried deep shame for my father being in prison, but loved him on
the less. After he got out my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer,
by my doctor in my late 20's.
I was
the
one to
break
the news
to him.
Watching
him
digress,
shrivel
up and die ate me alive; I was not used to being helpless, not in control.
I was
a problem solver, a motivator, a goal setter and solution based success
story! This was a fight I was losing daily. I was introduced to cocaine
and it numbed
me! It blocked the feelings of helplessness and defeat; little did I
know it was eating me up like a cancer too.
In retroflect, I see I was addicted that first day of use. In fact I
see today, I was addicted long before I used drugs. The psych has a
term for it; P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I’m sick,
but curable. The addiction to cocaine is only a symptom of my disease.
A method to "Run Numb", avoiding the core issues.
“
Opening up, communications; taking the risk of rejection can save the lives of
most addicts like me. We have an emotional and mental disease or disorder…”
In here I volunteered for substance abuse and anger management to learn
coping skills and better educate myself so I may help others. Cut backs
in county
budgets
do not allow for “counseling” so to speak. The “Ups
and Downs” are not so polarized. I have along way to go.
I now have a balanced routine of exercize, prayer, proper diet, sleep and
journaling.
As a past racing champion; I am competitive and hate to lose. For me;
true sobriety and balanced health requires total surrender; a whole
new way
of life. I’ve
accepted my way did not work. It’s an oxymoron to hear; I must
surrender to win!
I’ve survived cancer myself, but my health is precarious at best
today. I will spend my days in prison, promoting FAASThelp.com and sharing
my failures
to help others. I’ve turned to God and many people to help me
find a solution to my disease. I could not do it alone. The Psych,
Chaplin Smith, the Class Instructor, Michael Hudson,
my eldest son, my mom, three dear friends David, Sean & Tim (now
a business partner), 3 fantastic supportive friends that have seen
me at my best and my worse and our still here for me.
Sean, another 25 year friend and my loving
sister
have all
had a part in it!
That’s what has spawned FAASThelp.com, Finding Addiction and
Abuse Solutions Together! As a result we can; “Live in Freedom
Eternally”. If I live
to see freedom from incarceration; I together with other men and
women who use adrenaline as our high, will share ourselves to help
others.
I intend to publish
a series of Children’s books, dvd documentaries and a tv series
called “Adrenaline
High” in the years to come. I know as
long as I follow God’s
Will; Staying Clean, the future is unlimited!
I still have haunting nightmares and flashbacks
of the fear in my son’s
faces as they said, “Please Daddy don’t go!” of the shame I
caused them with friends, teachers, and coaches as they explained, “My
dad is back in prison”. One son completely ignores my calls
and letters.
My mother, siblings and relatives all reveled in my successes,, but now
bow their heads in disgust and anger at my relapses. They’re
ashamed that I’ve
thrown away my hard work and unlimited potential; using drugs.
They can no longer brag
about me, use me as an example as a role model. Instead I have
become the person and image of what not to be or do. A resounding
failure
in every aspect.
God gave me many gifts and talents; Intelligence, humor, people
skills, and an uncanny business acumen. I’ve promoted BMX,
Skateboarding, boxing, martial arts, karting, mountain biking,
trials, snowboarding, and more. My 400 Plus TV
Shows and commercials were groundbreaking in exposing extreme sports;
the precursor to the X Games. There’s been toy lines, clothing
safety equipment, and my line of BMX Innovations: SE Racing! There
are many other enterprises
and my racing
championships, but none if it matters as I sit incarcerated
because I chose to get high. It proves the point that no matter how hard
you work and what
possessions
you gain, if you use drugs, you will become addicted and you will
lose it all just as I have. Not once, not twice, not even three
times. But
now I am financially
broke, homeless, and destined to spend years in prison. Please
learn from my failures.
I do not have lengthy sobriety in freedom to share with you. My
success will come in the future as I work day to day, keeping my
recovery
and health my
number one priority. I will slowly make amends with my sons, my
mom, my siblings, my
past employees, friends and fans. Integrity can only be earned!
I pray I can leave a legacy of respect, trust, love, and compassion… To
be the role model my children and grandchildren will smile about
and beam with pride.
“ I have an allergy to cocaine; when I use it, I lose my family, my possessions,
my integrity, and I breakout in handcuffs!”
If I could turn back the clock of life I would seek psychological
counseling; and get the help I needed. I beg of you, if you are struggling
with
alcohol or drugs; reach out, find support, this disease cannot be
beaten alone.
Use my list of “Alternatives and Fun Stuff” when you’re bored
or are searching for a “rush” Over time, I will complete the interviews
and/or testimonies of the men and women shown on our site. They will tell you
of their “High”, whether it be swinging a golf club or tennis racket,
or bat, or playing an instrument and singing, racing a motorcycle, car or bicycle,
getting mass air on a half pipe, skate ramp, or that belly bubbles feeling you
get when you bring home your report card that’s improved so much that your
mom slaps you a high five and hugs you… That’s God’s “Natural
High”; Adrenaline! It’s Free, harmless, and the Best
Rush on Earth, a freedom in every way…
Enjoying the Fast-Life!
God Bless,
Scot Breithaupt Sr.
